Thursday, September 16, 2010

I've already neglected my blog.

Other than I am slack, there are a few reasons. Well though out posts with pictures are hard work and take time. Much more than I orginally expected.
I've been away on holidays, in the country and went on a totally insane, unplanned and ill-prepared camping trip. I enjoyed every minute of it. I got really really sick, with a cold, and gosh darn it, I very rarely get colds, like every three years or so.
I can't find my simple point and click camera, and the "good" camera is having issues and I don't like taking it with me on certain holidays because I have to look after it. Keeping track of a kid is hard enough.
Now I am going away on another trip, hooray.

In other news, I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I want to live my life given the circumstances I have. I'd like to be more deliberate, more thoughtful, more true to myself. I'd like to come to a place of peace and acceptance of my illness. Work with it instead of battle it. I'd like to live more simply, more homely.

10 good things about my condition

1. I have an excuse for living my life in a non-traditional way.
2. I get excited like a little kid over the smallest of things.
3. I never get bored, I have about 100 hobbies.
4. I get to spend lots of quality time with my child.
5. Dull moments in my life a few and far between.
6. I have no need to join the much despised rat-race.
7. I get to be a voice in the community (I hope) concerning a little known, misunderstood condition.
8. Makes me more thoughful and introspective.
9. Gives me a great deal of time ( when I am wellish)
10. I have fun with no guilt that I should be doing something useful.

Those ten things were hard to come up with and it makes me look kind of lazy and self-important. So I better write up the flipside.

SO BPD, 10 things I hate about you.

1. It makes me self-centred, sensitive and easily hurt.
2. Friendships are difficult often impossible to maintain.
3. I suffer from extreme lonliness.
4. The intense feeling of doom when I have negative reaction, like I am going to die and kind of wish I would
5. Everyday is like a minefield negotiating emotions and people and thats on a good day.
6. On a bad day I feel like I am sitting on broken glass, swallowing razorblades, on a rollercoaster thats on fire, while someone is hammering my head with a mallet, trying to solve a difficult mathematical equation in Swahili, on a whiteboard with white chalk, and I have no hands. All this is happening on a ship caught in a storm, in the middle of a swarm of killer bees stinging and playing vuvuzelas.
7. I have no sense of identity or self.
8. I have no idea if my ideas are my own or someone elses.
9. I change direction in life every second day.
10. My body is taking a beating from the constant barrage of emotion and is slowly breaking down.

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